Thursday, April 17, 2014

Why am I not dating right now?

If you have read my previous entries you're aware that my Soulmate, partner, best friend and wife, Elouise is involved with a young woman named Tiffany. Apparently she has finally made some headway with her (after like a year) and their relationship is moving forward. I'm happy for her but, I'm still without another significant other. It's by choice though. When the time is right I will seek out another partner but, as of now I have other work to do. So the question I get sometimes is "Why aren't you dating right now?"

The shortest answer is that I'm not ready. I still have some work on me to do and improving myself and our (Elouise's and mine) situation has to come first. At present we don't like our living arrangements. We would never think to invite someone to this place and we're in the process of moving to at least a bigger, better place. We are also without a vehicle which, in Hampton Roads, VA is akin to social suicide. The buses just aren't reliable and their frequency calls HRT's competency into question. Getting a car and moving is easy.
The long a bit more complicated than that. To be frank, I would love to meet someone for myself but, there are two major factors holding me back besides those above.

Summer of last year our then girlfriend, Candy left to go overseas, resulting in the dissolution of our relationship. I haven't quite gotten over her yet. She was everything we wanted in a third and we each gave her something different. Her personality was awesome, she was intelligent ( a big thing for me), she was a total geek which we loved and our love making was so...perfect. Now she's gone. Elouise has had more ex's than me so it was slightly easier for her to move on but, in truth this is my first real ex that didn't end in a swirl of name calling and threats. We both still love her but, I'm the one still holding on. I miss her like crazy. We didn't even take any pictures together because of my aversion to cameras which I'm over now as evidenced by my YouTube channel. It wouldn't be fair to anyone for me to be constantly comparing them to her, checking to see if they can fill her shoes. I want to appreciate this person as a unique individual with likes and dislikes and funny quirks that make them so irresistibly cute. Everyone in any relationship deserves that and I refuse to give less than my best. I want my heart to settle into acceptance of what was before I reach out to anyone else again.

There's also one less severe problem. With the exception of you guys, my poly family, there is almost no community here in Hampton Roads for poly folks. There is a Meetup group based out of Yorktown which we plan to join but to be active we need to be mobile at the very least. In fact I was thinking of starting up a HR based Poly/Free Lover Meetup group of my own once cash flow is better. Maybe then someone else with this problem, this anxiety about lack of community, won't have to suffer this way.

I do have some good news though. I was recently offered a new job with very good pay and benefits so the first two problems are now minor. However getting over heartbreak is going to take some time and finding a local community is going to require a bit of research. Of course once I do I am going to date something fierce to make up for so much lost time.
Live and Love Freely

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Ego boost and stuff.

I'm getting some shirts of this made. Think it'll help?
Me and Elouise are at the local Hooters I used to work at years ago. We have a couple of drinks and I catch up with some old co-workers. I spot a Hooters girl I was really tight with before I became a free lover. Instantly I remembered why I liked her so much. She was attractive, funny, friendly and we laughed a lot together. On a whim I say to my wife, "I should ask her out," knowing full well I was too timid in that respect to actually do it. Elouise, being who she is, puts me on full blast! She drags the girl over to me and says, "He has something to ask you." I actually managed to not choke on my tongue and ask her out to dinner. At first she accepted (YES!) and wondered why I hadn't asked her out before but, then she remembered her boyfriend (FUCK!) would not be cool with "sharing." She made it a point to give me her number and to ask me to keep in touch. I know some people are thinking cop-out or she let me down easy but this is someone I know very well. She's not the dishonest type. I've seen her turn down men cold, friends and strangers alike, so I know she was being genuine.

If nothing else the quick visit to an old haunt showed me something I don't always realize: women like me. Not every woman obviously but enough that I think dating is doable. Elouise pointed out to me all the women who were checking me out that night. More than I expected to be honest. A boost to my ego no doubt. I'm still kind of a big chicken when it comes to approaching women but, at least now I'll know it's possible.
I wish meeting someone in real life was a easy as online. I guess it's easy because I don't really feel the other person's energy next to me through a screen. When you try to spark a romance online you can take your time and form thoughts in your head before you hit the send key. That takes a lot of the stress off. Funny enough, meeting someone you have instant chemistry with, like me and Elouise, is even better than online. It's alive and evolving as you converse and make subtle body gestures conveying your interest.
That one instant, when this pretty little blonde girl I've liked for a long time let's me know that there was a shot if I had just not waited so long, made me realize that my procrastination may be costing me more than just time. I'm feeling quite confident now. Hopefully my next post will be about an actual date.
On my wife's side of things, her "girlfriend" Tiffany may be moving away soon. I'm only slightly upset about as I don't like how Elouise is being regulated to a side chick. It just feels like she doesn't really want to be with Elouise and I have to say, Tiffany is missing out. I've voiced my opinion to my dear wife and she's taken the advice, though she still sees her "girlfriend." I want her to find someone who cares about her the way Candy and I do, though I know I'm being unfair to Tiffany by demanding that. I just feel Elouise deserves it.
Well anyway, it seems things will be changing for us sooner rather than later. Maybe the rest of this year will go better. Spring has finally decided to show up and Spring is the season of new life. Let's see where it goes, shall we?

Live and Love Freely