I'm at work (I feel like a lot of my stories start that way) and a co worker mentions a concert she wants to attend. She says she wants to go with either a straight man or gay man. Why she made such a clear distinction I would find out soon. I ask her "Why not split the difference and go with a bisexual guy?" This woman and another co-worker turned to and screamed, yes screamed, "There is no such thing as a bisexual man! He's gay!" I'm so taken aback by the ignorance, willful ignorance, that I stop in mid project to stare.
Later I ask her what the freaking Hell she meant and her response "Men who say they're bisexual are really gay. It's just a transition word for them." Holding back my indignation, I ask her if the same applies to women. "No women can be bi. Just not men." Others who overheard us mirror her sentiments with varying levels of venom in their voices. At this point I shut down and become very curt with my co workers for the rest of that night. I couldn't believe I was in the company of such short sighted, close minded individuals (and I use that term loosely).
It wasn't the fact that they said it that angered me but, that they actually believed it. Never mind the obvious fact that bisexual men and women both exist, but for them to speak about homosexuality as a character fault was abhorrent. Part of me wants to stay angry at them but, I know they're opinion doesn't affect anyone but them and it comes partly from lack of exposure to anyone outside of their small circle.
Since coming to the free lover's lifestyle I've been fortunate to be exposed to so many different types of sexualities. I never knew there could be orientations outside of the "Big Three." I've discovered pansexuality, asexuality and various flexibilities. I've even rediscovered my own.
Before I was a straight male, or at least I thought I was, but, it turns out being attracted to MtF transsexuals and very feminine men makes me something else. There are very few people who know this, my wife, brother, parents and certain friends but, I'm not ashamed of it anymore.
I am femsexual.
If you don't know what that is, it means I find the qualities of femininity attractive and arousing and masculine qualities not. Allow me some examples. You see that picture of the fine-looking, chocolate woman on the left? MtF transgendered woman. If I had the chance I'd take her out for dinner and a movie (and maybe something extra if you follow). The same goes for the rather muscular woman in the middle. In fact I'm more attracted to her than Natassia. Muscles don't equate to masculine. Not to me at least. The picture on the right is clearly a male but, his qualities are feminine. That I find attractive.
|This one...not so much...|
To you, my poly family this is a mere statement of fact but, for me, being African American, southern and married, it carries stigma. Being that the African American community is very crass and sometimes hostile on the subject of sexualities that aren't heterosexual, it's not easy for some of us who aren't happy inside the box to step out and make ourselves known. I'm not keeping it a secret anymore though. I won't deny being myself for one minute longer.
Now even with all I said to you about my femsexuality, my co workers would still "label" me as "gay" as if they're shaming me somehow. Let them. Besides the fact that gay doesn't describe me, I wish that African Americans could stop using the term gay like a weapon. First because you aren't hurting anyone with it but, mostly it makes us all sound homophobic, which is untrue.